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I've had an ongoing discussion with a friend about how open people are to changes in their lives, and what people's filters are like regarding these things. By filters, I mean the things that prompt people to turn away from new or different things, even things that are part of things they want. The "that's too hard", "that's too different", "that's too big of a change" or "I can't do that" sort of things.
Of course, while there is a subtext wherein we're both supposed to be among those who are more willing to accomodate change, most of these responses make a lot of sense to me. While I have my impulsive moments, I think I'm generally a pretty slow, deliberate sort of person. By preference, I really like to think things through, and if I'm not sure what to do about them, and there's no pressing reason to decide, I'll happily let them sit and ferment a while. Sudden changes often make me jumpy.
But I have chosen a few pretty drastic changes in my life at various times. Some of them are probably better described as "partially chosen". Things happen, I chose what to do about it. But I knew that I was making a choice, it didn't feel reactive. Sometimes I feel like habit, all the things we're used to and the path we've accustomed ourselves to thinking as that course of our life is almost like a wall of flame. Except, mostly it's not real flame. I'm not talking about the real, physical things that keep people from doing things (for instance "I can't go explore the Amazon now because I need to feed my children"). But it's often a lot more ambiguous than that. We get comfortable lives, comfortable even when they suck, we get accustomed to things, and at some point we can only do big new things if we're willing to give up some of the things we're already doing, or already have.
So back to that wall of flame, which is kind of a dorky image, but it's one that's been in my head for a while. You can walk through it, but you know it's going to hurt. And the pain is real. But the damage isn't, exactly. Nothing that is real and essential about you gets burned away. Of course, maybe there are imaginary parts of yourself, too, things that the flames can touch, and that do burn. Maybe calling these things real and imaginary is misleading.
Perhaps after you've been through the flames a few times, most of those pieces are just burnt off ;-) Maybe you just learn to trust that you will pass through, and you'll still be you at the end, if maybe not exactly the same you. That first moment still hurts, is still a shock, but...
Then again, maybe not everyone does make it through.
Of course, while there is a subtext wherein we're both supposed to be among those who are more willing to accomodate change, most of these responses make a lot of sense to me. While I have my impulsive moments, I think I'm generally a pretty slow, deliberate sort of person. By preference, I really like to think things through, and if I'm not sure what to do about them, and there's no pressing reason to decide, I'll happily let them sit and ferment a while. Sudden changes often make me jumpy.
But I have chosen a few pretty drastic changes in my life at various times. Some of them are probably better described as "partially chosen". Things happen, I chose what to do about it. But I knew that I was making a choice, it didn't feel reactive. Sometimes I feel like habit, all the things we're used to and the path we've accustomed ourselves to thinking as that course of our life is almost like a wall of flame. Except, mostly it's not real flame. I'm not talking about the real, physical things that keep people from doing things (for instance "I can't go explore the Amazon now because I need to feed my children"). But it's often a lot more ambiguous than that. We get comfortable lives, comfortable even when they suck, we get accustomed to things, and at some point we can only do big new things if we're willing to give up some of the things we're already doing, or already have.
So back to that wall of flame, which is kind of a dorky image, but it's one that's been in my head for a while. You can walk through it, but you know it's going to hurt. And the pain is real. But the damage isn't, exactly. Nothing that is real and essential about you gets burned away. Of course, maybe there are imaginary parts of yourself, too, things that the flames can touch, and that do burn. Maybe calling these things real and imaginary is misleading.
Perhaps after you've been through the flames a few times, most of those pieces are just burnt off ;-) Maybe you just learn to trust that you will pass through, and you'll still be you at the end, if maybe not exactly the same you. That first moment still hurts, is still a shock, but...
Then again, maybe not everyone does make it through.