Anger, Shoes and Non-Violence
Apr. 12th, 2004 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tylikI've been thinking a little about anger, on and off. I was re-reading "In Buddha's Kitchen" recently, a book about a woman who spends several years (mostly cooking) at a Tibetan Buddhist meditation center, and there's a discussion in there about anger, wherein the author is told that if someone is angry at you, it's as if they are shooting arrows in your direction. If you get angry back, it's as if you pick up the arrow and stab yourself with it, repeatedly. I've been thinking a lot about that metaphor.
Partly, I wonder if this is meant to apply to all things that might be called anger. My gut suspicion is that some kinds of anger are more harmful than others... and some may indeed be necessary. But I haven't gotten very far along that line of thought. I might revisit it here later if I do. (I think of friends of mine who've made distinctions between things like anger and wrath. Um. Still thinking.)
But it has had me thinking a lot about the ways in which anger can be harmful, or at least not helpful. And yet... in many ways, for the last several years, I've been fairly pro anger. I've also spent a much greater portion of my life working to cultivate inner stillness. In some ways these things exist on different enough levels that it's hard to see how they interact, but I am still inclined to think that they aren't in conflict with eachother. Certainly, not entirely.
(Of course, one could, I suppose, simple consider that perhaps I'm just not Buddhist. But I'm talking technique, not identity politics, so I don't really see that as relevant.)
Part of the reason I'm pro anger is that... I'm human, I'm here, I see it as a necessary and interesting part of the human experience. I've made a few comments on other things along this line (like love, carnal pleasure -- in a very broad sense -- and death) -- things that skipping out on would seem to be to be like travelling in Italy and eating only in McDonald's.
Partly... anger has saved my ass on more than one occaision. There has been a reasonable share of suckage in my life (certainly not out of proportion to the gifts I've been given, I think) and there have been times when my hurt and confusion was so great it was very hard to see a way through things... and anger stiffened my spine and kept me going. How can I scorn it after that? I was thinking about this aspect, and came up with this story:
Which kind of reminds me of some thoughts I've been having about non violence.
I've been exposed to philosophies of non violence for much of my life, and received at least some formal training in the same. And thought about non violence much more.
I was recently reminded that to some people this doesn't entirely square with being a martial artist. (And some part of me thinks "Horsefeathers! Those who cannot harm, cannot heal." Which is something else I might write more about later.) And truthfully... I'm not committed to non violence the way some people I know are.
Let me put this in the context of martial arts, because I think it translates very well. Internal arts are full of, are perhaps typified, by an emphasis on deflections and redirections. Rather than relying on strength and brutality, there is the option of relying instead on balance, understanding, and subtlety. "Use four ounces to deflect a thousand pounds" and all that. In Aikido, as I understand it, this has been codified into an art that is almost entirely defensive. In Taiji and Bagua, this is more a matter of philosophy, style, and convenience, to be alternated, as needed, with more conventional forms of ass-kicking.
For myself, I find that whenever possible, I strongly prefer to use these more elegant, subtle techniques. They tend to be easier on my body, better for me, and are generally better for my opponent as well. It's an aesthetic judgement, and a practical one. (No, I don't spend a lot of time brawling. At least recently.)
But they're harder to learn, and not always easy to apply. Hacking and bashing is pretty brutal by comparison, but sometimes it's a tool readier to hand. Maybe a failing in skill on my part, but there you have it. I'm working to develop my skill. Meanwhile, I'll do my best.
And this is very much how I see non violence in other realms, except maybe even more so. It is a more elegant, more effective solution, when it can be applied. Vastly, vastly better.
And perhaps if I can't always figure out how to apply it, that's mostly a personal shortcoming. I really don't know.
But for now, anyway, I will continue to try and find such solutions... but often, it's still more important to me to find any solution. I prefer non-violence to violence, but there are times when both seem infinitely preferable to non action. For those times I'd rather do my best with what I have right now, than let the moment pass in hope that at some later time I'd be able to do better... for some other situation, I suppose, as that one will be gone. Some other situation, perhaps, which I hope to have the opportunity to address anyway.
Partly, I wonder if this is meant to apply to all things that might be called anger. My gut suspicion is that some kinds of anger are more harmful than others... and some may indeed be necessary. But I haven't gotten very far along that line of thought. I might revisit it here later if I do. (I think of friends of mine who've made distinctions between things like anger and wrath. Um. Still thinking.)
But it has had me thinking a lot about the ways in which anger can be harmful, or at least not helpful. And yet... in many ways, for the last several years, I've been fairly pro anger. I've also spent a much greater portion of my life working to cultivate inner stillness. In some ways these things exist on different enough levels that it's hard to see how they interact, but I am still inclined to think that they aren't in conflict with eachother. Certainly, not entirely.
(Of course, one could, I suppose, simple consider that perhaps I'm just not Buddhist. But I'm talking technique, not identity politics, so I don't really see that as relevant.)
Part of the reason I'm pro anger is that... I'm human, I'm here, I see it as a necessary and interesting part of the human experience. I've made a few comments on other things along this line (like love, carnal pleasure -- in a very broad sense -- and death) -- things that skipping out on would seem to be to be like travelling in Italy and eating only in McDonald's.
Partly... anger has saved my ass on more than one occaision. There has been a reasonable share of suckage in my life (certainly not out of proportion to the gifts I've been given, I think) and there have been times when my hurt and confusion was so great it was very hard to see a way through things... and anger stiffened my spine and kept me going. How can I scorn it after that? I was thinking about this aspect, and came up with this story:
I was a girl, and I was alone, and I had to climb a mountain and cross a desert. The stones on the mountain were hard and sharp, and up high there was ice and snow. And down the other side there was more ice, and more sharp stones, and then the hot, hot sands of the desert.
I had a pair of shoes. They were ugly shoes, roughly made, and they didn't fit that well. But they gave me some protection, and I climbed that mountain, and crossed the desert, and came at last to the other side, a little more worn, with badly blistered feet, sunburn, and the memory of freezing cold nights behind me, but still walking.
And I still had my shoes. On the other side of the desert is a gentler life. I can go barefoot now, or wear well-made shoes of painted leather. I'm not that girl anymore, really.
But do I throw the shoes away? Do I hurl them from me, because they battered my feet, because they never fit, and offend the eye?
I don't want to go back to being that girl, but at the same time I feel a need to honor who I have been, and where I've been. I am the girl who climbed the mountain and crossed the desert. And now I am a woman grown. They were not good shoes, but they were what I had, and they got me here.
Which kind of reminds me of some thoughts I've been having about non violence.
I've been exposed to philosophies of non violence for much of my life, and received at least some formal training in the same. And thought about non violence much more.
I was recently reminded that to some people this doesn't entirely square with being a martial artist. (And some part of me thinks "Horsefeathers! Those who cannot harm, cannot heal." Which is something else I might write more about later.) And truthfully... I'm not committed to non violence the way some people I know are.
Let me put this in the context of martial arts, because I think it translates very well. Internal arts are full of, are perhaps typified, by an emphasis on deflections and redirections. Rather than relying on strength and brutality, there is the option of relying instead on balance, understanding, and subtlety. "Use four ounces to deflect a thousand pounds" and all that. In Aikido, as I understand it, this has been codified into an art that is almost entirely defensive. In Taiji and Bagua, this is more a matter of philosophy, style, and convenience, to be alternated, as needed, with more conventional forms of ass-kicking.
For myself, I find that whenever possible, I strongly prefer to use these more elegant, subtle techniques. They tend to be easier on my body, better for me, and are generally better for my opponent as well. It's an aesthetic judgement, and a practical one. (No, I don't spend a lot of time brawling. At least recently.)
But they're harder to learn, and not always easy to apply. Hacking and bashing is pretty brutal by comparison, but sometimes it's a tool readier to hand. Maybe a failing in skill on my part, but there you have it. I'm working to develop my skill. Meanwhile, I'll do my best.
And this is very much how I see non violence in other realms, except maybe even more so. It is a more elegant, more effective solution, when it can be applied. Vastly, vastly better.
And perhaps if I can't always figure out how to apply it, that's mostly a personal shortcoming. I really don't know.
But for now, anyway, I will continue to try and find such solutions... but often, it's still more important to me to find any solution. I prefer non-violence to violence, but there are times when both seem infinitely preferable to non action. For those times I'd rather do my best with what I have right now, than let the moment pass in hope that at some later time I'd be able to do better... for some other situation, I suppose, as that one will be gone. Some other situation, perhaps, which I hope to have the opportunity to address anyway.
