Ugh.

[tylik]

I seem to have this anomolous reaction, a momento of the darker days of my spine injury. As many of you probably remember, I had gained a fair bit of weight (not all of this was the spine injury -- Microsoft and associated stress and lifestyle things were pretty involved too). However -- and this is all somewhat hypothetical, best guesses put together from observing the effects -- apparently during some of the hormone fluctuations brought on by the spine injury* a lot of hormones got stored in that fat.

Which is why when I burned through a bunch of it after I left MS, I also gained a couple of cup sizes, and had various other side effects from the increased estrogen. (Which was measurable, if not dangerously elevated.) Why stored estrogen seems to be such a big part of things, I do not know. (Actually, I don't know if other hormone levels were really checked. With the increase in breast size, we were mostly worried about the obvious female hormones.)

Anyhow after the first six months or so, most of this faded, except ever since from time to time I'll up my training level, and go through a day or so of something that feels like caffiene nerves, insomnia, and other such fun. And sometimes swollen breasts, the whole works.

I apparently just hit another one of those. Possibly intensified by Shifu introducing some new endurance drills that target different parts of our bodies, so I was getting into places that hadn't been gotten like that before. (And, perhaps coincidentally, really get into part of my lower back that has been injured.)

So I've been walking around jittery since late Wednesday night. (I work my butt off. I come home, exhausted, thinking "hey, I'm going to sleep like the dead tonight", and really looking forward to it. And then this hits.) Wednesday, I was even getting hot flashes. My stomach feels weird. Eating isn't really fun. And while this all doesn't exactly cause emotional reactions, it certainly amplifies them. (To the extent that things I would normally find annoying, and perhaps creepy, are making me sick to my stomach. My poor stomach.) I keep catching myself clenching my jaw...

This can all fucking stop now.

So far today I have eated a piece of bread. With some hummus. I really need to eat more than that if I'm going to make it through double wushu tonight. Heck, it's kind of iffy just for doing endurance drills with Rilla this morning. The piece of bread made my stomach feel awful.

I was kind of hoping to take a nap before heading into town... Heh. Good fucking luck. Oh well. The dishwashing frenzy was useful, even if I did keep dropping things.

This really is the worst bout of this I've had in a long time. I want nothing more than class tonight really knocking me on my ass. In the right sort of way ;-)


*Such hormone fluctuations are weird and if you're in pain long enough, you use up your endorphin resevoirs, and they just stop doing their thing. It's eerie. Something will happen to scare you, and you won't feel the physiological reaction. And working out is much less fun without the endorphin hit... And that's even before you get to the fun things cortisols do to your metabolism, and how they'll tend to convince your body to pack on abdominal fat, and make it really fricking difficult to get rid of it, even when you're feeling otherwise better.