I cannot fucking believe this

This morning, I got a call from the branch managers of a Washington Mutual branch in Portland, Oregon, asking me if I were missing an ATM card. This seemed pretty weird, because I wasn't. I figured it was something to do with my wallet having been stolen two weeks ago, though those cards were eventually returned. He said, "well, I have this card here with your name on it..."

"Hmmm... well let me check, but I'm pretty sure my cards are right... oh dear."
( long descriptions of my attempts to hunt down the culprits )