On the nature of Love...

So I was re-reading some Heinlein recently (when I say I read too much Heinlein at an impressionable age, I'm mostly joking, but perhaps I shouldn't be) and in the process remembered one of his characters saying that love is when someone else's happiness becomes essential to your own. (Though I didn't actually read the quote, and haven't remembered which book it's from... it is Heinlein, yes? I know a few other authors have quoted him...)

Anyhow, it kind of got me wondering. Philosophers in general tend to be really gung-ho for selfless love, the kind of love that gives and asks nothing in return. And most writers that I can think of have tended to agree on that point, even unto arguing that anything else isn't really love at all. And mostly I've been willing to go along with that conclusion.

I was thinking a bit about it recently, and I'm a bit less sure. Let me see if I can lay this out... For some reason, selfless love is often posited as some kind of romantic ideal, and thussly glorified (though usually with an innate assumption that it is mostly, at least an unacchievable ideal). I'll leave out my general list of snarks about the Court of Love and suchlike.) Of course, by this definition "love" and what most people I know call "being in love" are not only not the same thing, but indeed almost mutually exclusive. I don't see a lot of that kind of love that doesn't come with a pretty hefty load of want and need.

Now, I'm not sure how this model fits in with other people's experiences, but I really don't get it. Love, that kind of love, is easy. Loving people in general is pleasant and, especially in the more abstract forms, not particularly demanding. (Okay, that's not entirely right... and yet, it is demanding in some ways, and not in others.) Indeed, love that has no needs or expectations is at one level particularly easy -- because if you aren't needing anything from it, you aren't at risk, and indeed, are not presenting any vulnerabilities. (I am not, by the way, discounting compassion, but that's a very different sort of thing.)

Obviously, there are a lot of advantages to this sort of love. And in general I think cultivating this sort of love makes a lot of general sense in terms of spiritual development.

And wanting and needing -- while also culturally glorified in their own rights -- are difficult and painful.

But... when I think of my marriage, I find myself very glad that such selfless love has not been the only love in my life. There is a lot of appeal for me in the idea of people who are independant and self sufficient and sometimes, perhaps often, bestow love as a gift upon eachother... and yet, there is something abstract about that model of love as well. It is beautiful and safe and bloodless.

The other extreme has no particular appeal -- I certainly can't see manufacturing a web of love and need and pain and joy just to make one's life more interesting. It's not the kind of thing I can see exactly seeking out for it's own sake. And yet... how can love that is so fricking perfect stretch us and change us and transform us? How can love that never reaches beyond what is safe, never risks anything, get any traction on the world?

We are human, and such a combination of love and need seems innately human as well.

Or am I missing something here?

(no subject)

Weh. Okay, my left knee is bugging me. It woke me up a few times last night, but then after I stretched, I convinced myself it was an alignment issue with the SI joint. But it whined a little during wushu, and a lot during bagua.

I suspect with a little rest and some TLC it would be fine. Unfortunately, what it's going to get is two hours of wushu tomorrow, and one on Sunday. *Contemplates wisdom of skipping class...* The two hour wushu classes on Friday is not my favorite thing at the moment. Yes, we're going to have our most important classes of the week after we've been attending every day since Tuesday. Nice theory, but sometimes having a day or two between classes to heal up does me a lot of good.

I'm pretty sure this is a result of me playing around with trying to do a single leg squat almost to the floor on my left leg while holding my right leg out in a heel kick. What's really annoying is that I can almost do it right on my right leg... I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a stupid thing to do, but it's becoming a required move for Taiji sword, or so goes the rumor.

It's been a little touchy for a couple of weeks, probably because the new ankle stretches are destabilizing the left ankle. I have got to talk to Kendell about that -- my right ankle is supposed to be the one most recently ripped to shreds, but it's lateral stability is just fine, where I struggle a little with the left. (Though then again, they really work pretty well considering I've popped a tendon in each one -- a matched set!)

I really hate knee injuries. It's not that they hurt so much -- really, as far as pain goes, it's small potatoes. It's the knowledge that they can be really debilitating, and it's hard to tell the difference between a minor it will be gone in a day or two sort of thing and the kind that will hang around for months. (Or "...until surgery" -- though I don't think I've done anything like that.)

(no subject)

Heavens, all this time I thought "Fred" was short for "Frederick" and it turns out it's Alfred. This is one of my uncles on my mother's side.

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