(no subject)

My god, you are all a bunch of spammy bastards, and I love you all.

I went to bed at eleven last night, because I had to be up early, have a very long day today and... heck, it looked likely that things wouldn't be resolved before I woke. And if I did, the chance to not know about it for a few more hours looked kind of appealling.

Yesterday afternoon I was actually starting to think that this might work out.

I'm sorry, world.

(no subject)

Two reactions:

More protein folding in the bio-i class. Soothing. I am relieved that I'm headed into the sciences rather than back in International Relations. If I were working for the State Department right now I would want to wear sackcloth and ashes. But I feel cowardly, too.

I am really grateful to be spending the day at the University. One of my classmates explained her all black clothing to me -- "I'm in mourning." "Me too."

(no subject)

Darn but my hip is sore. ("Hip" here is an approximation -- kind of the inside of the hip joint, that side of the SI joint, and various muscles in the general vacinity.)

Remember how after 9/11 there were all these people wandering around asking "why do they hate us so much?" and thee and me smiled sadly to eachother at their ignorance? I guess the shoe must now be on the other foot, because that's a lot of how I'm feeling after the election. Bush won the popular vote. And an awful lot of them were apparently really into "moral values" (which is apparently another one of these co-opted terms that doesn't mean what it sounds like it ought to). It's hard not to take it personally.

Why do they hate us so much?

And maybe I shouldn't take it so personally. I mean, probably only a small minority of Bush supporters would hate me personally, or would even stop and think about what their vote might mean to people like me. I keep hearing that Bush makes them feel safer, and that they think he's sincere and a nice guy. And that we're at war, and they need to support their president in a time of way. These things kind of boggle my mind, especially the first, but maybe if I keep listening I'll understand. (I won't agree. But I'd like to understand. I think I need to understand.)

Being Out

Oh, and just in case any of you had any doubts... I usually don't make a huge deal about all of this, but at the moment it seems important.

I'm bisexual. I'm actually pretty middle of the road bisexual -- I'm about equally like to be attracted to women or men (on a purely carnal level at any given time I might be more inclined towards one than the other, but it evens out over time) and I've had roughly the same number of serious relationships with each. I've slept with more men, but I'm pretty sure that's mostly a matter of availability. (I really hope I've grown out of getting involved with people because I happen to be bored. I've certainly gotten better at not being bored.)

Yes, I'm married. Yes, to a man. And yeah, I have some mixed feelings about the legal marriage bit -- when we were married, it was in those heady days when it looked like gay marriage was becoming legal in Hawaii. We were already moving toward joint home ownership and discussing spawning, and it saved us a bundle on our car insurance... But the fact that my relationship with craigp is sanctioned by the state, but any relationship I had with a woman would not be makes me ill. And I feel more than a little guilty for partaking in something that is denied to so many.

Of course, not that there's much chance of me having a state sanctioned relationship with a woman any time soon even if they do legalize gay marriage. Did I mention we're not monogamous? Really, I'm almost embarrassed to bring it up, because it sounds so much more interesting than is actually the case -- we have some of the most boring love lives of any poly people I know, mostly. (No offense to anyone, it's not that we get involved with boring *people*...) But from time to time we do have romantic involvements with people other than eachother. And if we had more time, we'd probably do so more often. Anyhow, even if gay marriage goes through, I'm guessing that polygamy won't be following for a bit.

Did I mention I'm a member of a religious minority? Again, it's one of those things I almost hesitate to mention because I'm so damned lame about it. I identify as pagan. I've organized community events, and written for the pagan press... but then, I'm barely theist if that, and mostly think it's an awful waste of time and energy to go around believing in random shit, not to mention somewhat disrespectful of the universe to pretend we know more about it than is in fact the case. (OTOH, I think religions are one of humanity's prettier inventions, if among its more perverse.)

And maybe more than any of the above... I'm an outspoken, opinionate bitch. Really, if I ever end up in trouble with my own government, this will most likely be the reason. Or at least a big part of the reason. Can't keep my head down, can't keep my mouth shut. Raised in a fine tradition of political dissent, and it seems that often if I feel like someone is trying to manipulate me through fear, I will end up doing exactly what they don't want me to do out of spite. Even if it's not in my best interest.

Hmmm... I'm probably missing some important bits...

[Edit:] Oh, yeah. I'm pro abortion. I get really tired of so many people being so apologetic about their support of abortion rights, and going on about how everyone would rather that abortion was never necessary... Well, I think there are a number of people who would be better of if they'd decided to have abortions, who didn't. Their choice, still, but I wish I could believe that they were really free to make it either way. Okay, okay, yes, I think that birth control is the better way to go -- I'm entirely against unnecessary medical procedures, if nothing else. And better birth control would be fabulous. People having the wherewithal to make good choices for themselves is almost the definition of fabulous for me, across the boards. And I don't just mean my definition of good, either.