Another answer...

[tylik]

seattlejo That's a kind of complicated question. If you'd asked about Taiji, it would have been simpler, because I just plain love Chen Taiji, and pretty much everything about it, and it makes me very happy. There are a lot of other reasons, but that first one dominates. For Wushu, it's a bit more involved.

I don't love Wushu the way I love Taiji. But, if on a somewhat more superficial level, I do enjoy it an awful lot. Whereas Taiji is something I want to do every day for the rest of my life, Wushu I like for things like the conditioning, the pleasure of pushing my body and finding out I can do things I've never been able to do before, the focus and hard work it requires, and the endorphin rush. Oh, and it's just plain cool. Wheee! Spinning slapping jump kicks!

Three years ago I was on disabilty leave from Microsoft, with a spine injury. I'd been off then for some five months, and they really weren't able to tell me much useful about what was the matter with me, none of the treatments were really doing much (on a regular basis I'd go in for a physical therapy evaluation, and end up in the emergency room). People were starting to tell me that I should start getting used to not being able to do a lot of the things I used to do. No one could say if I'd ever be able to work again. Throughout all of that (and it's a long and sordid tale ;-) ) Taiji was one of the few things that always helped.

So when I finally quit my job at Microsoft (after getting somewhat better and returning to work for a while) I found my priorities had shifted. I was finally making progress on my body, and I wasn't willing to play fast and loose with my health anymore. And... I kind of hated my body. Okay, maybe its more accurate to say I had this really difficult, weird relationship with my body, where I was still in a lot of pain most of the time, constantly annoyed by things that I expected it to do and it couldn't, and could hardly recognize it anymore. (Oh, and mostly I thought I looked god awful, though I notice now that I'm much more likely to decide I look godawful if I'm in pain and frustrated, so the causality is kind of weird.) By this time I'd pretty much given up on the idea that doctors were going to make me better. They could be resources, yes, but my batting average was better than their's and fer crying out loud, I live here.

So once I started getting on my feet (and I wasn't *that* on my feet, in retrospect starting wushu when I did was at least slightly insane) I decided that damn it, I was going to do everything I could to get into better health, and to hell with everyone who had been telling me I'd have to give up this or that. I was not going to settle, I was not going to be moderate, I was certainly not going to accept that I'm no longer young and my body just doesn't work that way any more (because if I did that I probably wouldn't have gotten even as much as I had at that point) I was going to go out and see what I could wring out of things.

This isn't as much at the forefront now as it used to be... but the first sixth months of wushu I was in tears after about half of my classes. Once I started really adapting to the training, even when the hours started getting a lot longer, things were relatively easy. (And of course now... well, there's a flat rate you pay per quarter, and then you can take as many wushu classes as you want. I kind of want to get my money's worth.) It is fun. Most of the time it feels good. And not being active feels bad.

Since I'm practically writing a book anyway... Though this is the first time I've been this intent on something athletic, it's hard not to say that I tend to be pretty hard core about at least a few of the things in my life at any given time. I made it through my teenage years studying to be a concert pianist (have you spent enough time around classical musicians to know what a neurotic bunch *that* is?) studying ceremonial magic, and going to college at 13. (And then moving out on my own at 15, for that matter.) When some problems with my hands forced me to be less intent on piano... I took up Chinese language and literature and Political Economics. And then I went to work for Microsoft... (We'll just leave the other various obsessions and hobbies out of this.)

I have pretty mixed feelings about being this driven. I think some of my earlier high pressure educational stuff pretty much set me up for attempting to ruin my health at Microsoft, and I'm not eager to do that again. In some ways, the martial arts is one of the saner and healthier things I've done ;-) Of course, the other side of things is that I like being busy, and focused, and now that I'm out of the computer industry I'm really looking around for meaningful work of some kind. Teaching martial arts is kind of high on my list, though it's certainly not my only ambition. And, much more so than many of the other things I've done, it really gives back.

(The whole meaningful work bit can be a major source of angst. I'm trying hard to stay on an even keel with it all, and make time for quieter things like gardening, hiking, and cooking... but poor Craig has to deal with my ranting about what a loser slacker I am on bad days.)

And sometimes I do wonder if I started wushu when I did out of some kind of a sense of penance (I felt really guilty about leaving Microsoft, most of the reasons for which were pretty stupid). And sometimes I wonder if I like banging my head against this wall so much because it's *not* something I'm particularly gifted at. I mean really, nerd girl tries to be a jock!