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May. 19th, 2004 12:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tylikI'm sore. I probably shouldn't be surprised -- my ankle is doing better after resting it on Monday, but I worked it hard during wushu, and then taught the Chen class, so of course it's whiney. And my shoulder feels better than it did last night, but my back is sore... but mostly from drills, and being a little tweaked before doing the drills. I think it's mostly over being tweaked. I'm a little worried about my ankle holding up for triple class tonight, and I should probably not go to wushu, but I probably will anyway. (Self knowledge is such a mixed blessing. Perhaps I will go, but wear my wrestling shoes, which give better ankle support, for the high impact stuff.)
It is mostly a good sort of sore. I often don't stop to have respect for my body... it's really been through hell, but has been perhaps unusually willing to keep on with the good fight. Four years ago, at about this time of year, I passed out at the reception after a Gaia Consort house concert, which is what finally got me thinking that I should take the more or less constant pain and nausea I'd been in for some months seriously, and see someone about it. That August, despite the treatments I'd started, I collapsed at work and ended up on medical leave. Two years and a bit ago, I left Microsoft, still with pretty major spine problems, and started studying wushu. (My doctors didn't really know what this wushu thing was, and I wasn't really in the mood to explain it at greater length. They would have advised me against it, and they would have been talking sense, but I'm glad I did it anyway.)
I think I'm pretty much done being angry. At least, I don't seem to be carrying around that rage that kept me moving and resisting all the likely fates presented to me for so long. I'm not going to pretend that I've grown beyond it -- I've learned a lot, and changed a lot, but if I can be done with anger (for now) it's pretty much circumstance. I think anger for me was a defense against despair, and I am no longer so threatened by despair. In the last few weeks before the level test, I think it occurred to me that it's been a while since I've felt like the class cripple. I have my issues, yes... but I keep moving, and I train hard, and I have my strengths, too.
I'm probably going back to school.
Still working out the details. (The *&(@$# classes I want to take conflict with wushu. Damn it. And if I'm going to end up paying to go full time anyway, I feel morally obliged to take a full course load... except I'm a little uncertain as to whether I'm really ready to jump in full time, and keep up my current martial arts schedule. Especially if I'm also looking for lab work. It wouldn't be prudent... Heh.)
Still working out how this will fit in with my martial arts. Ideally... ideally, it sounds wonderful. I've spent so long being hesistant about taking anything else big on, because I really didn't know if I had the reserves. But a nice fun class load, my current MA schedule... nurture the mind, nurture the body, remember how much fun it is to be that focused... I'm not entirely certainly I'm ready for it, but...
Oh, but the commute! And the garden!
It is mostly a good sort of sore. I often don't stop to have respect for my body... it's really been through hell, but has been perhaps unusually willing to keep on with the good fight. Four years ago, at about this time of year, I passed out at the reception after a Gaia Consort house concert, which is what finally got me thinking that I should take the more or less constant pain and nausea I'd been in for some months seriously, and see someone about it. That August, despite the treatments I'd started, I collapsed at work and ended up on medical leave. Two years and a bit ago, I left Microsoft, still with pretty major spine problems, and started studying wushu. (My doctors didn't really know what this wushu thing was, and I wasn't really in the mood to explain it at greater length. They would have advised me against it, and they would have been talking sense, but I'm glad I did it anyway.)
I think I'm pretty much done being angry. At least, I don't seem to be carrying around that rage that kept me moving and resisting all the likely fates presented to me for so long. I'm not going to pretend that I've grown beyond it -- I've learned a lot, and changed a lot, but if I can be done with anger (for now) it's pretty much circumstance. I think anger for me was a defense against despair, and I am no longer so threatened by despair. In the last few weeks before the level test, I think it occurred to me that it's been a while since I've felt like the class cripple. I have my issues, yes... but I keep moving, and I train hard, and I have my strengths, too.
I'm probably going back to school.
Still working out the details. (The *&(@$# classes I want to take conflict with wushu. Damn it. And if I'm going to end up paying to go full time anyway, I feel morally obliged to take a full course load... except I'm a little uncertain as to whether I'm really ready to jump in full time, and keep up my current martial arts schedule. Especially if I'm also looking for lab work. It wouldn't be prudent... Heh.)
Still working out how this will fit in with my martial arts. Ideally... ideally, it sounds wonderful. I've spent so long being hesistant about taking anything else big on, because I really didn't know if I had the reserves. But a nice fun class load, my current MA schedule... nurture the mind, nurture the body, remember how much fun it is to be that focused... I'm not entirely certainly I'm ready for it, but...
Oh, but the commute! And the garden!
