I need to be a little crazy
Oct. 16th, 2005 01:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tylikToday's little piece of insight
I think I actually prefer somewhat unreasonable goals to reasonable ones. For me, there's something really liberating about picking a path I want to follow, and throwing myself into it... while knowing that it's a little crazy, and knowing that's it's not prudent and reasonable. It feels like I can give myself to something like that entirely, but also with a certain degree of safety, because something like that, it's okay to fail.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is that sane and prudent things are boring, and I tend to be happier and get more out of situations where I'm a little overwhelmed, and have to stretch to make it. Maybe I'm a little bit of an adrenaline junkie ;-) (I really do tend to slack when I'm bored. And that's just the least of the unpleasant things I do when bored.)
But when I have a sense that such and such a thing is something I "ought" to be able to do, that's also kind of scary. It brings up an element of fear for me, because such failures are so much more terrible. If I aim high, there's almost a built in absolution, and instead of spending a lot of time and energy beating myself up I can often still come back with my plan of how I'm going to make it work next time.
I think I actually prefer somewhat unreasonable goals to reasonable ones. For me, there's something really liberating about picking a path I want to follow, and throwing myself into it... while knowing that it's a little crazy, and knowing that's it's not prudent and reasonable. It feels like I can give myself to something like that entirely, but also with a certain degree of safety, because something like that, it's okay to fail.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is that sane and prudent things are boring, and I tend to be happier and get more out of situations where I'm a little overwhelmed, and have to stretch to make it. Maybe I'm a little bit of an adrenaline junkie ;-) (I really do tend to slack when I'm bored. And that's just the least of the unpleasant things I do when bored.)
But when I have a sense that such and such a thing is something I "ought" to be able to do, that's also kind of scary. It brings up an element of fear for me, because such failures are so much more terrible. If I aim high, there's almost a built in absolution, and instead of spending a lot of time and energy beating myself up I can often still come back with my plan of how I'm going to make it work next time.
