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tylikWhat do you predict in the future for me and my boyfriend? What are some sure indications why a relationship will or will not work?
Okay, first thought is: Why are you asking me? I'm a bisexual poly soon to be divorcee, and romance isn't exactly the predominant feature of my life. (*grin* Okay, maybe that's not really fair. I have some really wonderful people in my life, and they do a wonderful job of putting up with not-very-romantic me.) Though I guess I have arguably been around the block.
I don't think there are any sure indications. And I think there are too many different definitions of what people mean by work. Does working mean you stay together for the rest of your lives? Would it be more working to stay together no matter what, or to possibly part and good separate ways amicably?
I have a lot of biases. I think people in relationships are individuals, and relationships should be about maximizing individual happiness, rather than people sacrificing themselves for the relationship. (I don't mean "be an inconsiderate asshat". If you decide that doing something that is of direct benefit to your partner is going to make you happy even if it costs you something, than do it, and be happy. Helping one's partners is fun. But don't do it and feel bitter and resentful and say stupid bitter things about sacrifices. It's your decision, and you own it.)
I'm also leery of making promises on behalf of your future self. I don't think you can promise to love someone forever. (Okay, perhaps for some of the more abstract definitions of love.) You don't know who you will be, and you don't know who they will be in the future. (It's easy enough not to know who they are in the present!) You can, I suppose, promise to stay with them forever... but even barring practical difficulties, is it the healthiest thing?
In that light... I think it's important to keep in mind that you don't just make a relationship, or a marriage, or whatever, and then you're in it, fade out on happily ever after. You make it and choose to be in it every day. It's got to be an ongoing process. It helps if you have similar values, and similar goals. It helps if you're able to learn and grow together. It helps if you have similar neatness threshholds, and don't drive eachother out of your minds. It helps if you know yourself well. Maybe that last more than anything else.
Good luck. Sorry, no crystal ball here ;-)
I love your mind, tell me what motivate and drives it
You are so sweet.
Knowledge / understanding / communication / interaction. There has got to be a more graceful way of putting that...
The universe, in my experience of it, is a truly amazing place, intricate, beautiful and terrible but mostly alive, as if there were light behind and throughout everything. And yet, I am just me, tiny and limited. I can only experience such a small piece of things, and my own experiences are both blurry and distorted. But I still want to immerse myself in it, and see and feel and know it all. Or at least as much as I can ;-) So I sort through what I see, and try to abstract from that patterns and pictures. And I sing about them, about how things seem to me to work, and what things confuse me, and just how very beautiful it all is, even the awful parts. And sometimes I poke at the universe and see what how it responds tells me about what's going on. And sometimes someone sings back, and they sing about the parts that they agree with, and the ones they disagree with, and they sing about things I've never though of before, and those, really are some of the very best times. I am more likely to fall in love at two in the morning, having stayed up talking across ten subject areas than any other time. Though it's hard to get to sleep after that.
I like the deep notes, the darkness and the slow times, too. If I revel in the new and the unknown and the things that are done the first time, so too do I find comfort in the things that must be done again, and again. For every flight, we must touch down to earth. We may go many places, but each step we take is, in the main, rather like any other step. We are bounded around on all sides by natural patterns, dark and like, winter and summer. I try to honor those as well, because when I am at the end of my own strength they are sometimes the things that carry me along. Most weeks, I make bread. Every day, I must feed myself, and I must sleep. (Um. Not always so good at that latter bit. But I practice assiduously.) Every minute I breath in and out.
Okay, first thought is: Why are you asking me? I'm a bisexual poly soon to be divorcee, and romance isn't exactly the predominant feature of my life. (*grin* Okay, maybe that's not really fair. I have some really wonderful people in my life, and they do a wonderful job of putting up with not-very-romantic me.) Though I guess I have arguably been around the block.
I don't think there are any sure indications. And I think there are too many different definitions of what people mean by work. Does working mean you stay together for the rest of your lives? Would it be more working to stay together no matter what, or to possibly part and good separate ways amicably?
I have a lot of biases. I think people in relationships are individuals, and relationships should be about maximizing individual happiness, rather than people sacrificing themselves for the relationship. (I don't mean "be an inconsiderate asshat". If you decide that doing something that is of direct benefit to your partner is going to make you happy even if it costs you something, than do it, and be happy. Helping one's partners is fun. But don't do it and feel bitter and resentful and say stupid bitter things about sacrifices. It's your decision, and you own it.)
I'm also leery of making promises on behalf of your future self. I don't think you can promise to love someone forever. (Okay, perhaps for some of the more abstract definitions of love.) You don't know who you will be, and you don't know who they will be in the future. (It's easy enough not to know who they are in the present!) You can, I suppose, promise to stay with them forever... but even barring practical difficulties, is it the healthiest thing?
In that light... I think it's important to keep in mind that you don't just make a relationship, or a marriage, or whatever, and then you're in it, fade out on happily ever after. You make it and choose to be in it every day. It's got to be an ongoing process. It helps if you have similar values, and similar goals. It helps if you're able to learn and grow together. It helps if you have similar neatness threshholds, and don't drive eachother out of your minds. It helps if you know yourself well. Maybe that last more than anything else.
Good luck. Sorry, no crystal ball here ;-)
I love your mind, tell me what motivate and drives it
You are so sweet.
Knowledge / understanding / communication / interaction. There has got to be a more graceful way of putting that...
The universe, in my experience of it, is a truly amazing place, intricate, beautiful and terrible but mostly alive, as if there were light behind and throughout everything. And yet, I am just me, tiny and limited. I can only experience such a small piece of things, and my own experiences are both blurry and distorted. But I still want to immerse myself in it, and see and feel and know it all. Or at least as much as I can ;-) So I sort through what I see, and try to abstract from that patterns and pictures. And I sing about them, about how things seem to me to work, and what things confuse me, and just how very beautiful it all is, even the awful parts. And sometimes I poke at the universe and see what how it responds tells me about what's going on. And sometimes someone sings back, and they sing about the parts that they agree with, and the ones they disagree with, and they sing about things I've never though of before, and those, really are some of the very best times. I am more likely to fall in love at two in the morning, having stayed up talking across ten subject areas than any other time. Though it's hard to get to sleep after that.
I like the deep notes, the darkness and the slow times, too. If I revel in the new and the unknown and the things that are done the first time, so too do I find comfort in the things that must be done again, and again. For every flight, we must touch down to earth. We may go many places, but each step we take is, in the main, rather like any other step. We are bounded around on all sides by natural patterns, dark and like, winter and summer. I try to honor those as well, because when I am at the end of my own strength they are sometimes the things that carry me along. Most weeks, I make bread. Every day, I must feed myself, and I must sleep. (Um. Not always so good at that latter bit. But I practice assiduously.) Every minute I breath in and out.
