(no subject)
Apr. 5th, 2008 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tylikI'll have these moments where it occurs to me that I'm feeling pretty good. I mean, maybe a few aches and pains, but nothing major, and an underlying sense that things are working properly. And then the next thought is usually "gah, I'd really let things get much worse that I'd thought."* I'm glad things are going better. It scares me that I pushed it this far. I like to think I've learned better.
It is also sadly, sickly ironic that the report from the doctors hired by the insurance company of the guy who hit me in 2003, they conclude basically that yeah, I was hit and hurt, but my current problems are because I overdo it with the martial arts. (Though I guess maybe it's convenient, as there's a lot of medical documentation of how good martial arts are for me.) But then, I do push it and hurt myself. Not in martial arts, indeed, the more of my time I spend on martial arts the happier and more functional my body is. But the desk work, the computer work... even to some extent the lab work, though that seems to be the least problem. Oh yeah. I try to think of it as being some kind of philosophical discipline. I can not live entirely in my head. I am my body. This is making lemonade, as in "Screw it, I have all these fricking lemons, what the heck useful can I do with them?"
House guests who come into the lab and learn micro-dissection and debate design and make lab apparatus, and maybe best of all seem to think that this is a lovely way of spending a trip, are just the best. Some times I feel a little weird, in that I have social ties to people I'm very fond of but who just don't really seem to live in the same world I do, so if I am going to spend time with them I have to leave this world and go visit them over there. Mm. Not sure if that quite makes sense. I don't mean the specific world of my lab or current research, more that the focus of my life is all about research and learning stuff and martial arts and not so much on what most people consider to be a life. I almost always like kibbitzing on other people's research and learning other random things, too.
[edit:
* Because this isn't the first time I've thought that, and I keep feeling a lot better than I did the last. Which is great, but it bothers me how much I didn't really notice how bad it had gotten. The problem, I think, is that the scale is broken - even when it's bad it's ever so much better than it was, say, when I was on medical leave way back when. But that's doesn't mean it's not cutting into my ability to function, and I really have to get that through my head.]
It is also sadly, sickly ironic that the report from the doctors hired by the insurance company of the guy who hit me in 2003, they conclude basically that yeah, I was hit and hurt, but my current problems are because I overdo it with the martial arts. (Though I guess maybe it's convenient, as there's a lot of medical documentation of how good martial arts are for me.) But then, I do push it and hurt myself. Not in martial arts, indeed, the more of my time I spend on martial arts the happier and more functional my body is. But the desk work, the computer work... even to some extent the lab work, though that seems to be the least problem. Oh yeah. I try to think of it as being some kind of philosophical discipline. I can not live entirely in my head. I am my body. This is making lemonade, as in "Screw it, I have all these fricking lemons, what the heck useful can I do with them?"
House guests who come into the lab and learn micro-dissection and debate design and make lab apparatus, and maybe best of all seem to think that this is a lovely way of spending a trip, are just the best. Some times I feel a little weird, in that I have social ties to people I'm very fond of but who just don't really seem to live in the same world I do, so if I am going to spend time with them I have to leave this world and go visit them over there. Mm. Not sure if that quite makes sense. I don't mean the specific world of my lab or current research, more that the focus of my life is all about research and learning stuff and martial arts and not so much on what most people consider to be a life. I almost always like kibbitzing on other people's research and learning other random things, too.
[edit:
* Because this isn't the first time I've thought that, and I keep feeling a lot better than I did the last. Which is great, but it bothers me how much I didn't really notice how bad it had gotten. The problem, I think, is that the scale is broken - even when it's bad it's ever so much better than it was, say, when I was on medical leave way back when. But that's doesn't mean it's not cutting into my ability to function, and I really have to get that through my head.]
