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Oct. 8th, 2008 03:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tylikIt was pointed out to me that my posts have been pretty random recently, with that much explanatory context. (And scattered over several filters, to boot.)
So, what's up with me:
Obviously, my body is kind of a mess right now. But only kind of.
Actually, in many ways it is doing quite well indeed - most of the shoulder stuff has calmed down, my SI joint is doing well, and the yoga classes are wonderful and really what I needed to balance things out. For instance, I've been working a lot in different contexts with rib cage positioning. Last night I asked Karen, my yoga instructor about some of the things she'd said about rib cage position, and she confirmed that "raising the side ribs" is really about lengthening the spine - I'm trying not to raise the front of my chest right now. Later during practice she suggested lengthening the back ribs, which somehow clicked very well with me. So I brought it into my Chen practice this morning, and everything just kind of gelled. It kind of gives me new space to work in. Then I practiced my dragon forms... little red dragon in particular just kind of exploded. In a good way. I'd always thought that form was the least interesting of the dragon forms I know, but suddenly it was vicious. Whee!
Anyhow, the mess. For at least the last two and a half weeks I've been dealing with a compressed nerve in my neck. It refers into... all the muscles of scapular support that had been giving me problems. (A few months ago I told my physiatrist and physical therapist that I suspected some kind of nerve impingement might have touched all of this off. I don't know if it really penetrated for the physiatrist, and my PT told me I shouldn't worry about such things.) Anyhow, for whatever reason, possibly because I've worked through a lot of the satellite issues, this is now the only, but a really major, problem.
If some of my posts recently have been pretty morose... well, between the pain and the sleep deprivation (I slept well last night - but extremely poorly the three nights previous) I've been a touch on the moody side recently. In order to (somewhat) control the pain I've been taking much higher doses of gabapentin than I like, and am somewhat stoned. And if I'm, say, a few hours late with one of those doses I'm likely to end up crying hysterically. (Okay, the chances seem to be vastly higher if I'm in a doctors appointment at the time. Please fucking shoot me.) Though... it's not entirely a bad thing (though I'm getting a little weary of the "Oh, you're crying, you must be depressed." "No, not really, I'm just in huge amounts of pain and haven't slept in days!" Once the pain level is even moderately under control I'm fine.) I apparently underreport my pain, at least the way most people understand it. Though it would help if they'd fricking follow standard clinical guidelines for the use of the stupid pain scale. I mean, I under-report it to me, too, but that's not really the issue - I'm generally calm, factual and understated about things (unless I burst into tears). Anyhow, while I hate, hate, hate crying where anyone can see me, enough visible distress does have its uses. For instance, I now have an appointment to see my physiatrist tomorrow, instead of on the 24th.
A lot of other things in my life are on hold, or at least partially on hold. I've managed to get some work done in the lab, but there are things I am chronically not getting done. (Including one school thing that has a due date, and I don't know how firm that is. However, I can't write code when I'm in this much pain and this drugged. I've tried. A lot. When I'm in not great but better shape than this I do okay as long as I go slowly and write out everything I intend to do. How I am now... I get pretty much nothing done, and end up hating myself a lot. And in more pain, generally.) I'm not happy about this, but I really can only do what I can do, and thank heavens I'm not doing Neurosciences this year.
OTOH, if we can deal with the compressed nerve, I suspect life will be looking up a lot. Tomorrow... I suspect it's likely that my doctor will a) want more imaging done (which is expensive, but at this point I would support - nice thing I'm not claustrophobic, not at all, not even a little bit) and/or b) recommend steroid injections into the facet joints of... well, I'd guess around C5, but cervical spine, anyway. Some of you know about my previous experience with such injections. (One of the reasons I run into problems with people and pain scales is that a previous experience is set as a "nine" on the 0-10 scale. Hey, ten is supposed to be the worst pain you can imagine, and that incident fed my imagination. So I get into arguments with my PT, because I said "three" and after talking she thinks I should've said seven or eight. On my scale, at three I start seriously losing my ability to do work that requires both concentration and memory, but I can still do things like navigate the rapid system, buy groceries, and cook. At seven I can't remember how to talk. At nine I can't remember how to breathe.) However... last time around was a pretty different situation, where the compression was originating in structural problems in my thoracic spine even if I was getting a lot of cervical symptoms. Now my posture is great, my alignment seems to be fine, and I suspect there'd be a much more specific target. So I'm somewhat willing to agree.
Or, of course, I could be completely wrong about this all. That'd be okay too, as long as someone is right and has some useful suggestions.
So, what's up with me:
Obviously, my body is kind of a mess right now. But only kind of.
Actually, in many ways it is doing quite well indeed - most of the shoulder stuff has calmed down, my SI joint is doing well, and the yoga classes are wonderful and really what I needed to balance things out. For instance, I've been working a lot in different contexts with rib cage positioning. Last night I asked Karen, my yoga instructor about some of the things she'd said about rib cage position, and she confirmed that "raising the side ribs" is really about lengthening the spine - I'm trying not to raise the front of my chest right now. Later during practice she suggested lengthening the back ribs, which somehow clicked very well with me. So I brought it into my Chen practice this morning, and everything just kind of gelled. It kind of gives me new space to work in. Then I practiced my dragon forms... little red dragon in particular just kind of exploded. In a good way. I'd always thought that form was the least interesting of the dragon forms I know, but suddenly it was vicious. Whee!
Anyhow, the mess. For at least the last two and a half weeks I've been dealing with a compressed nerve in my neck. It refers into... all the muscles of scapular support that had been giving me problems. (A few months ago I told my physiatrist and physical therapist that I suspected some kind of nerve impingement might have touched all of this off. I don't know if it really penetrated for the physiatrist, and my PT told me I shouldn't worry about such things.) Anyhow, for whatever reason, possibly because I've worked through a lot of the satellite issues, this is now the only, but a really major, problem.
If some of my posts recently have been pretty morose... well, between the pain and the sleep deprivation (I slept well last night - but extremely poorly the three nights previous) I've been a touch on the moody side recently. In order to (somewhat) control the pain I've been taking much higher doses of gabapentin than I like, and am somewhat stoned. And if I'm, say, a few hours late with one of those doses I'm likely to end up crying hysterically. (Okay, the chances seem to be vastly higher if I'm in a doctors appointment at the time. Please fucking shoot me.) Though... it's not entirely a bad thing (though I'm getting a little weary of the "Oh, you're crying, you must be depressed." "No, not really, I'm just in huge amounts of pain and haven't slept in days!" Once the pain level is even moderately under control I'm fine.) I apparently underreport my pain, at least the way most people understand it. Though it would help if they'd fricking follow standard clinical guidelines for the use of the stupid pain scale. I mean, I under-report it to me, too, but that's not really the issue - I'm generally calm, factual and understated about things (unless I burst into tears). Anyhow, while I hate, hate, hate crying where anyone can see me, enough visible distress does have its uses. For instance, I now have an appointment to see my physiatrist tomorrow, instead of on the 24th.
A lot of other things in my life are on hold, or at least partially on hold. I've managed to get some work done in the lab, but there are things I am chronically not getting done. (Including one school thing that has a due date, and I don't know how firm that is. However, I can't write code when I'm in this much pain and this drugged. I've tried. A lot. When I'm in not great but better shape than this I do okay as long as I go slowly and write out everything I intend to do. How I am now... I get pretty much nothing done, and end up hating myself a lot. And in more pain, generally.) I'm not happy about this, but I really can only do what I can do, and thank heavens I'm not doing Neurosciences this year.
OTOH, if we can deal with the compressed nerve, I suspect life will be looking up a lot. Tomorrow... I suspect it's likely that my doctor will a) want more imaging done (which is expensive, but at this point I would support - nice thing I'm not claustrophobic, not at all, not even a little bit) and/or b) recommend steroid injections into the facet joints of... well, I'd guess around C5, but cervical spine, anyway. Some of you know about my previous experience with such injections. (One of the reasons I run into problems with people and pain scales is that a previous experience is set as a "nine" on the 0-10 scale. Hey, ten is supposed to be the worst pain you can imagine, and that incident fed my imagination. So I get into arguments with my PT, because I said "three" and after talking she thinks I should've said seven or eight. On my scale, at three I start seriously losing my ability to do work that requires both concentration and memory, but I can still do things like navigate the rapid system, buy groceries, and cook. At seven I can't remember how to talk. At nine I can't remember how to breathe.) However... last time around was a pretty different situation, where the compression was originating in structural problems in my thoracic spine even if I was getting a lot of cervical symptoms. Now my posture is great, my alignment seems to be fine, and I suspect there'd be a much more specific target. So I'm somewhat willing to agree.
Or, of course, I could be completely wrong about this all. That'd be okay too, as long as someone is right and has some useful suggestions.
