(no subject)
Sep. 14th, 2002 12:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tylikMany farmer's markets are tomorrow. (This is something along the lines of a public service announcement.)
Felt tired and achey all day, but stretched (and stretched and stretched) and lifted weights (though I didn't push myself on the ones that get the rotator cuff) and rode the bike and worked on forms anyway. These things helped, but I was still underwater a bit. Feeling better now, maybe it all added up to feeling better, maybe it was playing ping pong with Craig after dinner...
I almost gotta believe in this whole Saturn return thing. The last couple of years have had some pretty grim moments (months?) but it's not weighing on me as much as it sometimes has. I'm feeling less... "driven" is the most common word, but I think "ridden" is closer to what I mean right now. It's pretty easy for me to feel like whatever I'm doing, I'm going to have to fight it through alone, with a Greek chorus ready to gloat over my failures.
(This was not a inaccurate description of some parts of my life, but that's a good thing to have in the past . Why do people romanticize childhood so much?)
But I'm feeling a bit less haunted now, and more ready to tackle whatever comes next with reasonable gusto.
Sometimes when I look at my life, certain patterns just seem to stack up, reinforcing eachother. (The most obvious example being the ways in which EEP set me up for Microsoft. I think in many ways I made better decisions about EEP... but it wasn't until the last couple of years that I saw that they were good decisions. And my guilt and sense of failure over that whole bit set me up to participate in my own toasting, whereas a healthier sense of self preservation would have saved me a lot of pain and grief.)
But life goes on. I may have clung to that stupid job with my teeth and fingernails, and yet leaving it has been wonderful.
I think I'm starting to make peace with my more artistic side again. Now if my neck will just let me write...!
Felt tired and achey all day, but stretched (and stretched and stretched) and lifted weights (though I didn't push myself on the ones that get the rotator cuff) and rode the bike and worked on forms anyway. These things helped, but I was still underwater a bit. Feeling better now, maybe it all added up to feeling better, maybe it was playing ping pong with Craig after dinner...
I almost gotta believe in this whole Saturn return thing. The last couple of years have had some pretty grim moments (months?) but it's not weighing on me as much as it sometimes has. I'm feeling less... "driven" is the most common word, but I think "ridden" is closer to what I mean right now. It's pretty easy for me to feel like whatever I'm doing, I'm going to have to fight it through alone, with a Greek chorus ready to gloat over my failures.
(This was not a inaccurate description of some parts of my life, but that's a good thing to have in the past . Why do people romanticize childhood so much?)
But I'm feeling a bit less haunted now, and more ready to tackle whatever comes next with reasonable gusto.
Sometimes when I look at my life, certain patterns just seem to stack up, reinforcing eachother. (The most obvious example being the ways in which EEP set me up for Microsoft. I think in many ways I made better decisions about EEP... but it wasn't until the last couple of years that I saw that they were good decisions. And my guilt and sense of failure over that whole bit set me up to participate in my own toasting, whereas a healthier sense of self preservation would have saved me a lot of pain and grief.)
But life goes on. I may have clung to that stupid job with my teeth and fingernails, and yet leaving it has been wonderful.
I think I'm starting to make peace with my more artistic side again. Now if my neck will just let me write...!
