I need to be a little crazy

Today's little piece of insight

I think I actually prefer somewhat unreasonable goals to reasonable ones. For me, there's something really liberating about picking a path I want to follow, and throwing myself into it... while knowing that it's a little crazy, and knowing that's it's not prudent and reasonable. It feels like I can give myself to something like that entirely, but also with a certain degree of safety, because something like that, it's okay to fail.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is that sane and prudent things are boring, and I tend to be happier and get more out of situations where I'm a little overwhelmed, and have to stretch to make it. Maybe I'm a little bit of an adrenaline junkie ;-) (I really do tend to slack when I'm bored. And that's just the least of the unpleasant things I do when bored.)

But when I have a sense that such and such a thing is something I "ought" to be able to do, that's also kind of scary. It brings up an element of fear for me, because such failures are so much more terrible. If I aim high, there's almost a built in absolution, and instead of spending a lot of time and energy beating myself up I can often still come back with my plan of how I'm going to make it work next time.

(no subject)

Welcome back to training regularly. Hopefully my body will consent to cooperate and I'll be able to keep it up. (Of course, Shifu still has the school on a reduced schedule, so no four days a week of wushu for me, plus the other stuff. Yet. I hope to get back to that, someday...) Saturday I woke feeling surprisingly good, all things considered. My ankle was pretty sore -- better after I worked with it a bit -- but my spine was fairly happy with life, and nothing was too sore and creeky. Didn't think she'd have us jump two days in a row, but then the new level twos were getting their swords, so really Saturday wasn't a hugely challenging day. Afterwards, plantae, corivax, craigp and I all went on an impromptu mushroom hunt. Didn't find much that was edible, but found a lot of interesting fungus, including the prettiest little flask shaped polypores I've yet to see. They looked like frosted crystal, kind of.

Saturday night, bedtime occurred and the exhaustion hit me making me punch drunk. Unfortunately, this occurred while Craig was introducing me to "Hello Cthulhu", and at the time sitting there and reading a whole bunch of those seemed easier than going right to bed. Ergh. But I did make it to bed not too much later. One of the things I love about wushu is how much better I sleep when I've been training. Bedtime! *thud*

Today I crashed around midday (okay, I staggered through some errands) but that might have been just because, after upping my schedule, it's a really bad idea to go teach for two and a half hours having only nibbled on a Luna bar. I'm heading to bed earlier than I'd prefer I think, tonight, but I'm pretty sure this is a good sort of tired, which will respond well to rest and poorly to being defied. And I've finished everything I need for class, I just was hoping to get a bit ahead...

I really, really hope that my body is going to settle down and let me train. Everything is so much better when that all is working.

Why are my lotus kicks pretty decent, and my whirlwind kicks so pathetic?