(no subject)

Random thought (probably one of those "you had to be in my head" sorts of things...)

Last night I dreamed about an ex, an ex from quite a long time ago (okay, an ex was in the dream, I don't know if I could say the dream was about an ex). Not that common, not particularly unusual. Had been a particularly difficult parting there.

Thinking about the dream, and the ex, it occurred to me that whatever else I feel, there's very little bitterness. A certain wistfulness, a certain amount of reverse nostalgia, some missing... well, parts of them, really. And people tend to come in only people sized packages, you don't get to say "I'd like this order of creativity, only hold the viciousness and the crazy".

Which is okay. And kind of off topic -- what I'm noticing, is that there isn't a lot of bitterness left. Not the exes, not my father, not the really awful boss... perhaps I managed, finally, to let go of the bitter. I'm pretty sure I've eaten enough of it.

(no subject)

The wind here is kind of intense, all the more so on "the bluff" (we are on the edge of what seems to be the only hill in Cleveland), and even more so in our fifth story corner apartment. We've had the windows open all day. (In part because the ventilation isn't that great, and the nice weather gives us a chance to air the place out.) The wind moans constantly, past our windows, past something on the stairwell. The standard metaphor is "like the souls of the damned". Which seems a little dark, or perhaps I don't have much of a handle on what damnation is supposed to entail. (Um. "Like the souls of the living"... "...of the attached"... hm. Just not quite the same ring.) I recently re-read Bujolds Paladin of Souls, wherein souls were permitted to become ghosts as a kind of mercy. I can kind of imagine that, that the wind could be the voices of the dissolving, half remembered ones. It doesn't sound particularly unfriendly, but perhaps my opinion will change as things get colder.

Not looking forward to the cold, particularly. I need to find a nice warm cap I can put my hair up into. I've had several, I seem to be quite good at losing them. Feh. (Someone lost a cute little cap near the tree I practice under. After letting it sit there for about ten days, I finally brought it in. Hm.)

Productive couple of days, though I still am shaky and odd feeling, and seem to do best with about twelve hours of sleep. But I trained. Of course, then it was all I could do not to curl up in a sunbeam and sleep for the afternoon. (Instead I curled up with neuroanatomy. I'm not sure if drawing all the structures out is the most efficient way to study, but it's got to be one of the most pleasant.)